Welcome to the hardest part of it all: putting babies in their cot awake at bedtime is quite a challenge for all parents. It is no easy matter. Children usually dislike sleeping in their cots at first. They need a few days to adjust to their environment, gain confidence and learn to relax and sleep alone. We have summarised the methods we trust the most to do so.
Don’t forget that having a good routine in place is very helpful for babies to feel confident and at ease because they know it is time to sleep. Still, they will dislike being left in the cot. Staying calm and persevering is the secret to success.
Before choosing a method, a number of success factors must be borne in mind, such as baby’s age and temperament and your parenting style. The purpose of all these methods we will describe to you is for your babies to learn to sleep independently.
We would suggest that you choose the method you feel most comfortable with and identify with the most.
Graduated extinction of crying or “leave and check”
The idea behind this method after a pre-routine is to leave the baby awake in the cot and go in and out of the room as often as necessary until the baby falls asleep.
This method is suitable to be used with infants aged above 7 months. In the case of younger babies, it is best to stay by their side during the process. Our advice is also that for babies to already sleep in their own room in order for this method to be successful.
- After the bonding routine, put your baby in the cot awake
- Whisper softly to baby that it’s time to sleep
- Whisper softly to baby that it’s time to sleep. Leave the room confidently, serenely and without hesitation. Take it easy; you’re not abandoning your baby, just teaching him or her how to fall asleep alone.
- If baby stands or sits up and starts crying or fussing, wait 1-2 minutes before going in. Your baby is fine but just dislikes the new change. If you see them crying a lot and it’s getting louder, go in, lay them down again, rub their back and tell them “I love you” and that it’s time to sleep, but don’t pick them up.
- If you see them crying a lot and it’s getting louder, go in, lay them down again, rub their back and tell them “I love you” and that it’s time to sleep, but don’t pick them up.
- Next, leave the room again knowing that this unpleasant process will only last a few days and is best for the whole family in the long run.
- This can happen several times, and we would suggest increasing your waiting time by 2 more minutes every time you leave the room before you go back inside (2 minutes first entry, 4 minutes second entry, and so on).
- Once your baby is asleep, do exactly the same when they wake up again at night. You should notice improvements after just a few nights if you are consistent.
- It is important that you stay calm and don’t give in. When you go back into the room you’ll be conveying peace and security. If you want the method to be successful you should not pick up the child in your arms or take them out of the cot until the next morning.
- Don’t forget to utter an assertive mantra during the process, such as “My baby wants to sleep, my baby is going to sleep, and the whole family is going to get some rest.”
CHAIR method (from 5 months)
This is a more gradual method and you must carry it out very consistently. Again, you have to follow a pre-routine before taking baby to the cot awake, but rather than leaving the room, one of you will stay close to the cot until baby falls asleep. Then, you can leave the room and go back in every time baby wakes up, sitting on the chair and staying with them until they go back to sleep, but not in your arms.
The purpose of this method is for baby to sleep independently but for you to be close during the first transition nights. We would recommend moving the chair further from the cot every 3-4 nights until you leave the room.
Some parents find this method difficult because they sit watching their babies cry and the baby’s temperament can impact the process.
- After the bonding routine, put baby in the cot awake
- Whisper softly to baby that it’s time to sleep
- Sit on a chair right next to the cot and tell baby “I love you” or “shhhhh darling I’m here with you”.
- If baby stands or sits up and starts crying or fussing, wait a little and if necessary lay baby down again and repeat “I love you” or “shhhhh darling I’m here with you” until baby falls asleep.
- Stay close to the cot until your baby is asleep.
- Leave the room.
- When baby wakes up you must wait a few minutes and then go in to be with them.
- If you see them crying a lot and it’s getting louder, go in, lay them down again, rub their back and tell them “I love you” and that it’s time to sleep, but don’t pick them up.
- Remain seated on the chair until they go back to sleep.
- This can happen several times, and we would suggest waiting a few minutes every time they wake up before going back in to be with them. Baby may be able to manage to go back to sleep without you while you are waiting.
- It is important that you stay calm and don’t give in. When you go back into the room you’ll be conveying that you are close and baby is not alone. Baby will get there in the end.
If your baby is still crying after a couple of nights and you see no positive progress, you can try changing the method. This could happen because your presence in the room is stimulating them and they cannot understand why you won’t take them in your arms, and also with children aged over 12 months who can stand up and find it harder to relax.
No cry
We will outline this method, normally for mums who hate seeing their baby cry despite the guidelines we have provided. Please note that it may not reduce awakenings completely in older babies. 0-7 months We recommend this method for babies under 7 months old. Just like in the other methods, it is important to have a pre-routine in place and then to put the baby in the cot.The purpose of this method is to avoid having the baby cry all the time and for the child to be left calm and awake in the cot. It is considered one of the most baby-friendly methods.
Our suggestion with this method is to help the baby with a lot of physical contact and if necessary you hold the baby in your arms to soothe them before leaving them drowsy in the cot
- After the bonding routine, put your baby in the cot awake
- Stay close to the crib and whisper gently and softly that it’s bedtime.
- If baby starts crying or fussing, wait a little and if necessary hold them in your arms to soothe them whispering “I love you” or “shhhhh darling I’m here with you”
- Once your baby relaxes, put them back in the cot calm and drowsy.
- Repeat these steps as many times as necessary until they fall asleep.
